Episode 3

People Say Nice Things About Rocco to get on TV. Geoff Says Mean Things About Rocco and Someone Gives Mama a Scary-Ass Painting.


The third episode starts by them showing us the high points (or low points) of the previous two episodes and I find myself feeling a bit nostalgic for a disaster movie about an earthquake. The bright point is the snippet of Drew's humiliating fired scene, which was amusing enough to watch again.  

We are treated to shots of some servers playing fooz ball (is that how you spell that – tried to look it up but couldn’t find it) and others bitching about how mean Geoffrey is. After working for Psycho Rocco, I can’t figure out why they hate Geoffrey so much. It must just be the whole ‘I’m the boss guy stuff’.  Or maybe they all just liked working for a boss that was never there.

Strangely, the staff also thinks very highly of Mama. She must be nicer in real life than she shows on TV. The way they portray her is really scary. Either the staff is a bunch of kiss-ups or that’s really bad editing. Then Rocco has a touchingly nauseating scene with his chick and talks about how he's been 'busting his ass' for eight months. Seriously if I put as much effort into my job as Rocco puts into the restaurant, I would have been fired a long time ago.

Rocco visits his mom and is 'amazed' that she has a video from his cooking school graduation. How surprising that his brother would have the tape to give to his mom. Although, maybe it is surprising, if I were related to Rocco I probably would have used the tape for reruns of the Simpsons. Mama tries to talk Rocco into trying to get along with Geoffrey and Rocco does a fair imitation of an eight-year-old by whining about how he has tried. Meanwhile we see Geoffrey interviewing a really cute guy - actually at second look only sort of cute. But I would still consider dating him since he can cook. I'd really like to marry someone who can cook good food.

While the interview is still going on Rocco calls Geoff and pours his heart out about how Mama knows best and they should really get along. Of course this is just a message on an answering machine; let's see what happens when you actually have to have a conversation with the guy. This whole thing is so dumb. Rocco, you've been a dumbass and slacker and you need to make an effort and admit you were being stupid and stop trying to convince others that you haven't done anything wrong.

Back at the restaurant, Geoff's chef has a talk with Tony the great chef guy about how he needs to be loyal to the restaurant and not Geoff or Rocco. Seriously can you be loyal to a building? Can you be loyal to bad service and mediocre food? Should he be loyal to the annoying suburbanites who screech 'Where's Rocco' really loud at the top of their lungs. I feel for Chef Tony I do. Rocco treats him like dirt, but he is just a loyal type of guy. It sucks to be him.

So Geoff and Rocco have a conversation where Rocco babbles endlessly about how much he wants to work with Geoff who can't get a word in edgewise. Rocco is one of those people who can talk for like ten minutes and never say anything. I have a feeling that if the whole chef thing doesn’t work out he may have a long career as a politician.

Rocco and his PR Manager head to his old cooking school so Rocco can give a speech. Yes I said PR Manager. The guy needs therapist more than a PR Manager, but whatever. So at the school someone gives Rocco a knife. Wow you’re giving me your old used knife, thanks. Okay, so apparently this is quite an honor, but I’m not up on all that chef etiquette stuff. Wow I just spelled etiquette right without the help of spell-check. I’m so cool.

While Rocco is receiving gifts of the used variety, Geoff is giving a big talk to the whole staff. More of the loyalty to the building and bad service BS that Chef Tony got earlier in the show. Seriously, what did the building ever do for you? After Geoff’s little downer talk Mama is very upset. Of course Geoff doesn't know why Mama's upset when all he did was tell the staff that he is the owner of Rocco's restaurant not Rocco. Hrmm, I wonder why that would upset Mama… Can’t figure it out, I’ll have to think on it some more.

Then in the most surprising moment of the whole episode, we actually get to see Rocco in a kitchen apparently cooking. Oh, but he's not at the restaurant he’s still back at the cooking school. He has a bunch of soon to be graduates cooking to try to impress him. This is sad really. Then in the most ironic line of the evening, one of the soon to be chefs says he would have made something else, but the vegetables aren’t very good and Rocco tells him –best line ever- not to blame others if something goes wrong. Hi Rocco, your whole life is blaming others. The fact that your restaurant is hemorrhaging money is someone else’s fault. The fact that you never set foot in the restaurant is someone else’s fault. The fact that you look like a dumbass is bad editing. Please, don’t blame others.

Back at the restaurant, some chick I've never seen before I guess she the maitre d’ threatens to throw away the staff's stuff if they leave it in the coat check. Okay I can kind of get her point, but does she have to be such a bitch about it. Her exact words are ‘I wouldn’t want to have to throw someone’s stuff away, but I will’ When people say stuff like that, they totally mean they want to throw someone’s stuff away, but whatever.

 I think Geoff needs to think 4 or 5 times about the people he hires, they’re awful. So of course everyone is bitching about Geoff's snooty management staff. I think most of them are just doing that to get more camera time, but they do have point.

Annoying Snooty Maitre D’ Chick (ASMDC) sends one of the hostesses to tell some guy at the bar Geoff and Drew are gone. The hostess goes to the wrong person and the maitre d’ is all snooty. ‘I said white collar and cuffs how much clearer could I be’. Well I don’t know about New York, but occasionally there is more than one person in a restaurant wearing a white shirt, at least here in California, but then we're so West Coast out here.  Anyhow, this chick just grates on me. I must have had a boss like her at some point.

Meanwhile back at the school, Rocco invites one of the students to destroy his future by going to work for him. This is sad, because it seems as though this guy could have had such a bright future. The guy is apparently not to bright though because he thinks that working for Rocco is the ticket to that future.

 In the oddest moment of the night and that’s saying a lot, Mama gets a bizarre meatball painting. I’m not sure who gave it to her, but that thing could give a person nightmares. If they hang it in the restaurant people may lose their appetite, which might end up being a good thing since the service is so slow.

At the front of the restaurant, ASMDC tells one of the hostesses not to gaze into the distance and to be more focused on the front door. This is one of those things bossy people say when you aren’t really doing anything wrong, but they want to correct you. So then of course super-sensitive-hostess starts crying. 

I don't agree with the whole crying thing, but really, 'Don't gaze into the distance?' Don't sing songs in your head? Don't think about what you're going to wear on your date. Don't plan intricate revenge plots. It seems to be a but overbearing if you ask me which, yes I know, you didn't. Still I think that when it comes to crazy and bitchy, yep this woman is both. And why is it that people with British accents sound so bitchy sometimes? Plus the woman is so harsh looking. I’m now officially sad for her.

 They just announce Rocco at the cooking school and -oh my gosh- did People really name him one of the sexiest men alive? I bet that totally bums George Clooney out. It's really just not an honor anymore.  Rocco gives a lame speech to the graduates who are probably thinking much like the rest of us, this guy is a putz.

 Cute Chef Guy is back and he cooks for Geoff and friends among them Drew.  Maybe he's hoping to leave a better impression than his sad little firing scene. Someone got smart though and he’s given almost no on camera time. I think we should all say thanks for that, although ASMDC seems to be channeling him at the front desk.

OK so now I think Chef Guy is really cute again. I keep going back and forth on this. I think his attractiveness mostly stems from his ability to cook. And the fact that dinner was a long time ago and I’m hungry, but there’s really nothing to eat so I wish I had someone to cook for me.

Because the people at cooking school can’t fall all over Rocco enough, they’ve decided to give him an award. Sounds impressive, but all Rocco gets is some lame crystal pineapple thing. Plus I bet the cooking school people will feel dumb after they see the show. 

In the second oddest moment of the night, Mama gets an award too. Huh? Still I have to admit that even though I'm not really a fan of Mama’s it is kind of sweet. After all she’s basically the one running the restaurant that Rocco’s taking all the credit for, so she does deserve something.

ASMDC corners crying girl and insists that they talk it out. Crying girl says that she has negative vibes about her or something. This cracks me up. How new-agey can you be? Then crying girl says she wants a job that doesn’t require her to put up with bitchy or annoying people. Hi darling, welcome to the club. Then unsurprisingly, ASMDC gets bitchy which is pretty much how she is always so it hardly bares mentioning. Then they have a bit of argue time, which is stupid as well. Like this kind of sniping happens in a real workplace. You mouth off like that without cameras and you’re out on your ass, but whatever.


The waitress chicks also think the Cute Chef Guy is cute. I only like him for his ability to cook fine Italian food, but then she probably only likes him for his ability to potentially get her more camera time. Damn I'm hungry. I really wish I didn't like Italian food so much.

Rocco and PR guy are riding in the back of some sort of car and gushing about him and about the cooking school. Then the phone rings and Rocco freaks out. Apparently he just found out that cute chef guy, unlike him, has actually cooked something in the last week. Sorry Rocco toast and instant oatmeal don't count.

Rocco meets with his people and gets all bitter about Geoff's speech. How dare he say that he OWNS the restaurant. It’s got MY name on it. See this would be really cool if there was a Bridget’s somewhere then I could walk in and say I owned it because it had my name on it. Or better yet I could sue them for using my name and we could settle out of court for thousands.

The rumors fly about Jeanine a waitress in training having a drink. One of the other waiters tells the boss type people. You don't see her drink on camera, but the evil management staff pulls her into the wine room. They are super mean and give her a lecture. They say that she sucks at table maintenance and then they fire her. What a bunch of jackasses, why not at least be honest or give the chick a chance to defend herself. I see a lawsuit coming. Although I also see a drinking game, every time one of the patrons asks ‘Where’s Rocco?’ the servers have to take a drink. I’m telling you this would make the restaurant a much more fun place. It’s not like people could complain more about the food or service anyway right? Okay so maybe it’s just a drinking game for the folks at home although you probably need more alcohol than that to get through an episode.

So Jeanine walks out and smashes bananas in the doorway and then yells at stupid snitch guy. He is a dumbass, not only did she not take a drink, but seriously who over the age of 10 tattles like that? Well except that guy. And they’re all on his side. Come on nobody likes a snitch. On the way out fired waitress girl takes a moment to tell the people of America, via the camera, not to ever come to Rocco’s. Really like we were all planning on making reservations before this happened. 

A moment later we see Rocco crying to someone on the phone about how he's a stranger in his restaurant, uh maybe because he's never there. Someone could explain that but it might be a bit too much for him to grasp. This Rocco totally reminds me of the episode of friends where Rachel dated Bruce Willis and she tried to get him in touch with his sensitive side and then he cried all the time this is exactly the same except that, well let’s be honest, Rocco’s no Bruce Willis.

The show ends with Rocco gazing soulfully into the restaurant at Mama who is actually working. Boggles the mind doesn't it Rocco. That someone would actually work for a living, who knew?

Scenes: Rocco bitches Geoffrey talks to his mama since Rocco's acting like a child. Then the kitchen catches fire. Wow I can't wait.



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