Survivor: The Job Interview
I think they should have a new reality show called Survivor: The Job Interview. Instead of going to some harsh landscape the contestants are forced to dress in uncomfortable office clothes that fit perfectly when put on, but on the way to the office these outfits morph into an ill-fitting garment that resembles a potato sack. Well, perhaps a potato sack would fit better. It would certainly be more comfortable.
Other challenges facing our hardy thrill seekers will include answering that age-old question; “What is your worst quality?” Everyone knows this is a trick question. I don’t even know why they ask it, because everyone lies. What are you going to say? I mean really. “My weakness is my inability to deal with annoying people like you?” or are they looking for true honesty like, “Well my roommate hates me because I won’t eat the grape Popsicles so we end up with only grape Popsicles left. This invariably leads to a shouting match and one of us has to go buy more Popsicles.”
Everyone always uses the same answer for this one anyway. “Oh, I’m such a perfectionist.” The world is an imperfect place, how many of these people could really be perfectionists? I mean if the world was that full of perfectionists, wouldn’t things work better?
I’ve always thought you should get extra points for originality. “Well my worst quality is my tendency to slash the tires of people who interview me and then don’t hire me.” Or perhaps, “The doctors would say my worst quality is that I listen to the voices and sometimes do what they tell me.” These sound like smart-ass answers but I bet it you said them often enough someone would hire you out of fear.
Job interviews always bring out the worst in me. I am normally a smart mouth and trying to suppress it seems to make it worse. One time during a job interview a guy asked me if I had any questions for him and so I asked him, if he could be any major appliance, which one would he be and why. In all fairness to me he didn’t handle it very well. This makes no sense to me. After all what did he have to be nervous about? Huh. He didn’t even give me a courtesy laugh.
I just wish sometimes that interviewers could be normal people or maybe that they could be abnormal people. That would make me feel better because that would make me feel more at home. Everyone knows it’s impossible to feel normal during a job interview. All this stress can’t possibly be good for my skin.