October Odd Jobs

October 31 - Here's an odd job worthy of Halloween. I mean it's got everything; witches, stilts, a parade and even free candy. How can you lose?

Witches on stilts need a roadie!

We are three witches on stilts that need someone to walk on the ground in costume alongside us and be our roadie! It is for the kids parade on Halloween - Oct 3. We will be walking in a huge Halloween parade with dozens of other performers. We can pay you $25. Need someone who is in some kind of costume and can drag 2 empty duffel bags on wheels, hand us water, pick up stuff we drop, etc.

We will be forever grateful and give you candy too...

Compensation: $25

 October 30 - Remember the scene in Goonies where Mouth is totally giving the wrong translation to the maid and freaking her out. Just think, if you got this job, you could just make stuff up. I mean the other people wouldn't know you were making stuff up because they don't speak the language or they wouldn't need you. I mean how funny is that?

Interpreter/Translator


We are an expanding interpreting company
looking to increase its language base with quality interpreters
and translators.

Now hiring: Experienced Interpreters/Translators.

ALL LANGUAGES ARE NEEDED.

Must be fluent in spoken and written form in the stated language.
Must also be self-motivated, highly-disciplined and organized.

Competitive Compensation depends on your experience.

Please submit your resume or previous interpreting/translating
experience

 

October 29 - So DK has to have this really annoying special food that can only be gotten at the vet. This is annoying because it's a pain to go to the vet just to get food. Long story short (I know too late) I hope they hire lots of people, because I could use a service like this. As long as they deliver better than they spell.

pet food delivery

must have own vechicle delivery person for 
part and full time positions available

Compensation: salary plus commission

October 28 - Last weekend I saw some underwater pumpkin carvers. I thought that was an odd hobby, but then I saw this ad. Of course it is inaugural so maybe it won't end up being an every year kind of thing.

we need fuzzy suits

I'm six foot and one seventy, my roomate is five-five and one thirty...svelt young men to be sure, yet lacking the talent to tailor our own fuzzy activity suits (think bear or bunny...possibly weasel). We know that someone out there was waiting for just such an occasion to diplay their talents in just such a manner. Once the activity suits are complete, we shall be hosting an inaugural monopoly-in-fuzzy-suits event. Give us a call so we can get this thing underway.

October 27 - I didn't do an odd job for today, because my house got attacked by a giant gila monster

October 24 - You take care of my garden and uh I'll uh I'll let you have some vegetables. Yeah sounds like a good deal to me. Sure whatever. Oh and I can spell, the person who posted this ad, not so much.

I've got the garden if you've got the time.....barter


Four years ago I converted bare lawn into a fabulous garden with dwarf fruit trees, vegetbales, herbs, etc. Also have a 10x20 greenhouse (currently has tomatos) and roof runoff graywater system. Unforunatlely, due to my schedule, I don't have time to harvest, weed, prune, etc. I would love to do a trade with someone who knows a bit about gardening/can identify plants. Permaculture/Biodynamic experience would be great. I was even thinking of getting a couple of chickens for eggs and bug control.. 

Compensation: Fresh organic veggies, fruit, and herbs....

 

October 23 - If I wasn't mostly sure that none of my exes lived in the place where this ad was placed, I'd be pretty sure it was them. 

sew hole in my pants and button back onto my shirt

yeah there's a huge hole in my favorite pair of pants...and my second favorite shirt's top button fell off...anyone wanna help me out????? please!

Compensation: $10/ hour or dinner or beer....your choice

 

October 22 - I can work for the Circus? Cool. Oh I just get to sell popcorn and stuff? I have to tell you that's sort of a letdown.

Circus Job!!!


The Circus Concession Dept is looking for a few energetic and motivated individuals. If you are people oriented, have good customer service skills, and are capable of lifting 50 lbs., then we are looking for you. This is an entry level position, however retail or food experience is helpful. Apply in person Look for the tent!

October 21 - Of course, I'll totally sample your vodka, what I have to GIVE samples? Forget that.

SAMPLERS NEEDED FOR NEW VODKA BRAND


Samplers need to help spread the word about a brand new Vodka that is distilled from 100% Organic Grain and blended with Florida oranges.

We need attractive, well spoken women to help promote the brand at various events ranging from wine and spirits shop tastings to, nightclubs, bars and special events.

Applicants must be over 21, have their own transportation and be ready to help promote the next great vodka brand.

October 20 - Are you watching the horse or the barn? I mean Barnsitting sounds like you'd be babysitting the barn rather than the horse, but whatever.  

Experienced horse-person for occasional barnsitting/part time help

I am looking for a very reliable and experienced horse-person for occasional part-time help and occasional barnsitting/feeding/cleaning turn-out of 4-6 horses. Barnsitting would require to stay on the property over night. 

October 17 - I know my degree hasn't helped me a whole lot, but who knew it could cost me money.

Focus Group! (Seeking individuals with some college, no grads!)

We need people between the ages of 20 and 45, both genders, a variety of races, and who have two or three years of college credit under their belt but are NOT currently enrolled in college to give feedback on a new educational service.

October 16 - Yet one more marketable skill I lack.

Sword Swallowers

We are hosting the opening night of a fabulous new club. We are looking for sword swallowers This is not just a 2 time opportunity we will be looking to book you a couple times a week.

Thanks!

Compensation: $150

October 15 - I wonder if you have to use a VCR or they have one of those fancy rewinder machines people always bought in the 80's when VCR's were so expensive no one wanted to take the chance on breaking it by rewinding too much. 

It seems like there has to be more to this job. Although for only $330 a month maybe not.

Weekend Videotape Changer/Rewinder

Looking for some extra income during your off hours?

Nationally headquartered media monitoring company is in need of a dependable Weekend Videotape Changer/Rewinder for its production office.

Pay is approximately $330.00 per month.

October 14 - Wouldn't it be cool to be one of those  guys who walks around with a stick hunting for water. Is it a dowser? Plus if  you ever got stranded somewhere and you were trying to walk out and you got thirsty you could just use your  stick and it would point you towards water. I bet it'd be cool for camping too. 

October 13 - I'm sure there's an object lesson here.

My bike is locked up and I have no key, can you help?

It is a U lock. If you can break the lock...or free the bike however...great let's talk. Compensation is negotiable. Call or e-mail. 
(metal saw and 4 foot lock cutters have failed)

October 10 - Paul, this one's for you. I like Ikea as much as the next person, but this seems to be a bit obsessive. I mean they'll probably get the things in eventually.

Attention - Ikea Shoppers - URGENT

Dear Ikea Shoppers,

We need help to get some items from That Ikea store as the items are out of stock in This Ikea store. The items are not large and they are very light. We need somebody to help us to buy the items and ship to us by tomorrow night. Of course we will pay for the costs and compensate your work. Please email to discuss details.

October 9 - So basically I think what they're doing is trying to get you to destroy your relationship on national TV. That said, I could really use $100,000, so if someone wants to pretend to be my significant other let me know.  

$100,000 FOR COUPLES FOR REALITY TV SHOW

WE LOOKING FOR BRIGHT, ENERGETIC, OUTGOING COUPLES WHO WANT TO TEST THEIR RELATIONSHIP IN A NEW PRIMETIME REALITY TV SERIES.

YOU MUST BE UNMARRIED AND BETWEEN THE AGES OF 21-40.

YOU WILL NOT BE COMPETING FOR THE MONEY...THERE ARE NO ELIMINATIONS. YOU GET $100,000 JUST FOR COMPLETING THE SERIES.

IF INTERESTED, PLEASE E-MAIL A PIC AND CONTACT NUMBER ASAP AND WE WILL CALL YOU WITH MORE INFORMATION.

October 8 - I always wondered how these things got from place to place.

IMMEDIATE OPENINGS FOR RELIABLE DRIVERS

Great Second Income Opportunity!  Company is looking for reliable drivers to deliver Inflatable Playrooms to parties and other local events. Mostly weekends! We are looking for physically fit individuals with their own truck or cargo van and a cell phone.

October 7 - I mean I guess entertainment jobs might be scarce for those of a small stature, but don't do it. Hold on to your dignity. Then again, there is free food.

'Little Person' Needed for 5 minute gig.

Prominent Regional Act is looking for a person of small stature to announce
their performance at CD release party at large venue. You would be
willing to wear a top-hat and tails and be the MC (a ringmaster of sorts). You
are needed to welcome the crowd, make a few short announcements then introduce
the band. You will be welcomed as part of the crew for the night, with backstage
access and free refreshments.

Must have experience speaking in front of large crowds.


October 6 - Okay, today's odd job is a little bit different. I saw this ad and thought, what the heck I'll send them an email. I know the whole crazy cover letter thing has been done. This ad just struck me as so obnoxious I couldn't resist the urge to write back. Below the ad is the letter I sent them. Unfortunately the email didn't go through. Either it was wrong or it filled up before I sent my response.

Advertising Copywriter

Growing by leaps and bounds advertising agency specializing in hospitality marketing in growing by leaps and bounds Las Vegas, Nevada, looking for copywriter who gets it. Who knows how to work fast, on a wide range of projects. A juggler who can react quickly and easily to client requests. Who thinks fresh and smart and on strategy. Not interested in beginners or egos who do cute for cute's sake. No resumes that list poetry published in the high school newspaper or editor of the Hog and Jowl Journal. Three to five years agency experience. No freelancers, on staff in Las Vegas only. PDF samples of work if possible.
$45K.

Dear Sir or Maíam:

I am responding to your  job listing for a copywriter. First I would like to point out that perhaps insulting potential employees might not be the best way to convince someone that yours would be a great company to work for. That said; I am willing to overlook that error in judgment on your part.

I understand that you want someone with experience, however lots of smart people have no experience simply because many jobs refuse to hire those with no experience. I donít think youíll have the problem of getting someone with too much of an ego, you pretty much took care of that by insulting them before they even applied for a job. 

Now, I would like to address the fact that you donít want someone who does Ďcute for cute sakeí. Letís face it cute sells and if cute is what will sell your product than cute for cute sake is just what you need. I think you are seriously limiting yourself, but your company, your choice.

I have no poetry on my resume. Donít misunderstand me, I like the stuff, I just donít really have a knack for writing it. As for being editor of a livestock magazine of some sort, I am also lacking in that qualification, which in this case I see will make me more appealing.  I guess I should dash off a quick thank you note to Horn and Hoof monthly for not giving me that editorís job.

In conclusion I would like to state that while I have endeavored to learn juggling, Iím still at the bean bag stage and thus far despair of ever reaching the flaming batons stage.

Thank you for your time. If you would like to see samples of my writing, please check out my web site at www.kickmeimdown.com. Serious replies only please.

Regards,

 

October 3 - It doesn't pay, but maybe this is how Jim Henson got his start. If their ad is any indication, you don't need good grammar or spelling skills to get the job.

puppeteers needed

help put on shows puppet shows to be put on in front of audiences and we need help getting this together we need puppet performers . musicians ect...tell us how you can help!

Compensation: unknown basically volunteer work

October 2 -If all you're doing is modeling sneakers for a website aimed at people who love sneakers, why do you have to have a cute smile. I'm so confused. I mean if all they're gonna see is the shoes what does it matter what kind of smile I have. Why do you even have to have someone wearing the sneakers if the thing these website visitors love are the sneakers? Hrmm something seems a bit off here.

Female sneaker models needed

I am looking for women who love to wear sneakers to model them for my sneaker lover's website. Nike, Adidas, Puma, Saucony; whatever you have and like to wear, I want to photograph. Short tennis socks with casual skirt, shorts, sweats or jeans. Be fun, with a cute smile! 30 minutes, $50. I will meet you anywhere.

Compensation: 30 minutes, $50

 

October 1 - I think this is really funny. Basically this job is handing out fliers but they are trying to make it sound cooler by calling you a 'Brand Ambassador'. Then they toss in the 'Promotion Model' thing so they can get away with only hiring beautiful people. 

They are also looking for people with experience, which is completely understandable because everyone knows how hard it is to pass out fliers.

Promotion Models - Brand Ambassadors


Extremely Friendly, energetic, outgoing people sought for a street promotion for a Fortune 500 company. Talking to consumers, and giving them free coupons in downtown Seattle.
Previous promotion experience helpful.

Compensation: $16/hr

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