Must Panic - Oops I Mean Must NOT Panic
I have this thing that happens to me every once I a while. I start to think about the future and then I panic. I have no idea what the future holds for me. I know that no one ever really knows for sure, but I know even less than most people. In a lot of ways I know nothing. The future for me is just a big black hole. I guess I ‘m just being dramatic, but then I have always been a drama queen. What can I say besides “I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille?”
Okay, kidding aside the future’s wide open. To be honest that scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or the next day. I like to think of myself as a free spirit, but I’m not really. I like to plan. I like to be prepared. It doesn’t really seem like that looking back over my life. I have on occasion made a random split second decision to do something crazy. So maybe in some ways I am kind of a free spirit.
The best times I’ve ever had, whether wandering around some strange country or wandering around my neighborhood with a carton of ice cream in the middle of the night, have always been random events. You’d think with that kind of history I would take chances and jump without looking, but I don’t because even though things always work out I never believe they will. Maybe I’m just being a pessimist.
So what should it be? Should I pull a huge cash advance from my credit card and pack up my stuff and my cat and head for parts unknown? History has shown that generally things work out in a relatively positive way. It has to be better then this mindless day in day out job hunt. Better than spending hours in front of my computer hitting reload on my email page in the hopes that my resume has caught some HR person’s eye. Moving sounds like the best idea in the world. So why can’t I do it? Now that’s the $64,000 question.
It might be worth a chance now to take a leap. I’m relatively unencumbered. No spouse, no kids, no house, no job. Okay now I’m just depressing myself again. If only I could figure out what holds me back. Is it because I’ve been out of work so long? Is it all those jobs that never became permanent even though they were supposed to? Or is it just that deep down I’m a slacker. I’m an easy-way-out type of girl. The right path is always the path of least resistance? All right, I think I’m all out of clichés now.
You know what, I’m gonna do it. Absolutely, definitely, probably, well, maybe. But if anyone knows of a good job for me anywhere in the US let me know and maybe I’ll finally just close my eyes and jump.