September 20 -
Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one
of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, that's good," the boss went on. "Since
your grandmother stopped in to see you after
you left early yesterday to go to her funeral."
September 7 - A young husband with an inferiority
complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast
beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him,
"If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a
little boulder."
August 23 - At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
reportedly once compared the computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all
be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000
mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by
releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your
car to crash twice a day?"
August 16 - A number twelve walks into a bar and asks
the barman for a pint of beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry I can't serve you,"
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve angrily.
The bartender says, "Because you're under 21,"
August 7 - A big-city lawyer was representing the
railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The
rancher's prize bull was missing from the section
through which the railroad passed. The rancher only
wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of
the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the
rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The
lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher
agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the
check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a
little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know,
I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on
you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer
was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the
train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't
have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young
feller, I was a little worried about winning that case
myself, because that durned bull came home this
morning."
August 2 - Bob is sitting at the coffee shop, staring
morosely into his capuccino.
Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a
conversation several times and getting only distracted
grunts, he asks Bob what the problem is.
"Well," said Bob, "I ran afoul of one of THOSE questions
my wife asks. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Tom.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her if she
got old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I
will!"
"Yeah," said Bob, "that's what I did, except I said 'Of
course I DO.'"
