February Odd Jobs

 

February 27   Points for writing a very amusing ad. Although I must say the whole nudity thing adds a slightly disturbing note to it, but Im pretty sure its a joke. They might be serious about the no work release candidates thing though.

the wheat from the chaff

..packing up and moving north, to where my kids can rub their grubby little hands in the rich silted soil of the fecund pioneer valley. i need help -- non-flaky, no excuses, self-motivated, enough common sense to put the breakable stuff on top -- in other words, a few kindred spirits who can find their behinds with both hands, can pour beer out of a boot if the directions are on the sole, etc. no mandatory nudity. moving isn't so much fun -- so no sighers, whiners, rotarians, or work release candidates. for those who help me out in this pinch the rewards will be in this world; of this one may rest assured. let's hear from you; time's a'wasting.

Compensation: ten bucks an hour plus some great gimmes

 

February 26   I dont think driving a cab counts as being a Chauffeur, but I'm sure glad that thing dropped of my record. 

I have to point out that it's a little strange that they ask for professionals only, but in the next sentence mention free training.

Professional Chauffeurs Needed

Make cash daily driving a cab or limo. 3 year driving + 5 year criminal history needed. Free Training. Professionals only. We operate executive cabs for upscale clientele and limo service. Currently looking for night shift, day shifts also available.

Compensation: $10-20 /hr.

 

February 25   Finally my chance to be a Bond girl. You know just last night I was lamenting the fact that Id never get to be one and then this comes along. Wow.

  Portray the Golden Girl from James Bond's Goldfinger

We are hosting a James Bond themed party for our seventh annual Valentine's Day party. We need someone to attend the party as the golden girl from the James Bond film, Goldfinger. This does NOT involve nudity! We will provide gold body paint (designed for this purpose and certified non-toxic, washes off with water and soap); you choose an appropriate outfit to go along. Your job will be to dress the part and attend the party along with the rest of our guests. The party is a dress-up affair and we have DJ music; it is often described as the party of the year by the guests. You must be able to show proof that you are 21 or older as we serve alcohol at the party.

Compensation: $40/2 hours (10pm-12am); $60/3 hours (9:30pm-12:30am)

 

February 24   Its time to brush up on those fake accents.

MAGIC International Models Needed

International models needed for MAGIC fashion show in Las Vegas.
Compensation: $200-500 per day

 

February 23   I wonder if this sort of thing could get you arrested for solicitation. Okay Im kidding, mostly.

  Sign Holder/Flipper

Looking for someone to hold our sign on the street and flip it around to attract business to our massage clinic. This will be a first so we will have to see which times produce the best results. Probably in the mornings say 9-11a.m. and the afternoons say 2-5. Experience not necessary but preferable.

Compensation: 8-10 p/hr

 

February 20 With all the tech jobs falling by the wayside, maybe this is really the wave of the future. You know man against nature, enjoying the outdoors, just you and the stars; all that stuff. Although it has been kinda cold lately so hopefully the sleeping trailer has a heater of some sort.

Experienced goatherders wanted part time/seasonal

We are looking for experienced goatherders who also have skills working with border collies. Prefer some education in the ecological or life sciences field but experience is the must. Will be working with a local vegetation management company which also does fire mitigation and habitat restoration. Pay is by project. Overnight site supervision of herds. Must be comfortable in the out of doors, working alone and roughing it. Sleeping trailer provided. Potential to become more of a mainstay in our company. Excellent for students.

 

February 19 Ads like this always make me curious, Why does this person want this sketch? Why just the building and nothing else? Maybe its to impress a girl. In the movies the guy always pretends to have some great talent to impress a girl.

 Need Pencil Sketch Artist for small project

I am in need of someone to draw a simple pencil sketch for me. The sketch is of an Irish Abbey. The approx. dimensions of the sketch are 10 x 12 or smaller. You will be asked to only sketch the abbey not the surroundings. I need to get this started soon so please contact me via email if interested. If you have any similar work that you can attach to your email I would really appreciate it. Thank you!

Compensation: 30.00

 

February 18 This job seems pretty easy for the money, I wonder if theres a catch.

  Wedding Helper Needed As Soon As Possible

The job includes helping with setting up, loading and unloading van, and other light duties when guests are present in the house. You must have a car and a telephone and be on call prior to the marriage ceremony. Please send me an email if you are interested in helping with your time. Pay assured on the same day.
Please send an email to one of the addresses below. We will be corresponding that way for now.
PS: Only serious persons need apply.
Thanks
 
Compensation: $400 ( A total of 12 hours' work)

 

February 17 -  I guess its good that your surfing instructor would know CPR although hopefully youd never have to find out first hand. I must say that its a good thing they listed knowing how to surf as a requirement for the surf instructor job. At least I assume that's what they meant by hot to surf.

  Surf Instructors

We are currently looking for part time surf instructors. Instructors MUST have their lifesaving certificate from the Red Cross.
Instructors must know hot to surf, be patient, kind, responsible, and professional.

Compensation: $12 per hour

 

February 16   I always thought it would be super interesting to be a private investigator. I know what youre thinking, but this is Classy Reality TV (if there is such a thing). More like a documentary even.

  LOOKING FOR ACTRESS FOR PILOT

Hi Ladies. We're producing a pilot and we're looking for an actress who can go undercover with our on-camera PI as he investigates a crime. We need an elegant, high class looking woman who will act as the PI's assistant while trailing the suspect. You should be in your mid 20s- mid 30s. Please e-mail pictures and resumes a.s.a.p.

The shoot might be a day or two of work. You will not be in any danger, our investigator is a real investigator and intends on upholding the law.

 

February 13   If shes such a great friend, why doesnt he help her?

 Help my cute friend move/ $12 an hour

You don't need to drive her anywhere ... she needs help hitching her car, moving some boxes into the truck and her dresser. My friends is very little and cannot move these things herself. I would really appreciate it ... she is moving to San Francisco and cannot do it w/o your help!

Compensation: $12/hour
 

 

February 12   I would totally shop at a store that had a magician on staff.

Looking for a Magician for possible upcoming work

Looking for a knowledgeable, responsible, good magician for upcoming work at my store. Please call or e-mail if interested to

Thank you!

Compensation: Minim+Commission

 

February 11   Finally a reality show that serves some useful purpose. Although I think MTV should change their name to RTV since they mostly show reality shows now.

 ****CAR MAKEOVER SHOW*****

Do you or one of your friend's drive a piece of junk...as in, you are totally embarrassed to be seen in this car? Do you desperately dream of having a better ride?

Never fear! MTV is here to save your reputation and give your car a MAD MAKEOVER! Did we mention that we pay for EVERYTHING?!

Requirements:

* You must have a REALLY bad car (ie: tailpipe dragging, lights busted, rusted out, paint chipped, stereo shot, dents and dings everywhere etc...) In short, your car really sucks!
* Be between 18-23 yrs. old
* Live in or around the Los Angeles Area.

If you meet these requirements then send an email ASAP to: 

Compensation: TBD-$10.00-$20,000.  

 

February 10 Only in LA. The whole $200 fee thing seems weird. Is he charging them a base and they get everything over that? The word fee implies theyll be paying for it. Or is that just his way of saying hell pay them that.

  Can you Organize and Conduct a Garage Sale?

I am moving and I am looking for one or two people to organize and run a Garage Sale. Your duties will include everything necessary for a successful Garage Sale: advertise, display, sell, demonstrate and clean up.

Compensation: $200 Fee  

 

February 9   I thought these were all imported from England.

 

Butler position

Looking to hire an excellent, 6 day a week, live-in butler for a formal household. Must have good credit history, great references and a strong attention to detail. The ideal candidate will provide service with a touch of class!


Compensation: salary open
 

 

February 6   Why is it the picky ones are also always the cheap ones. If youre going to be that particular, pay more than $6 an hour or just do it yourself.

 

help me move in

I am moving. I need help moving in and organizing my closets. I need someone to help me to unpack boxes, do laundry, iron, fold, and assemble my closet. This job will take at least one day, if not more.
Please note that I am very picky about how things are done, and I would like to have my closets be immaculate.

Compensation: $6/hr
 

 

February 5 This ones odd alright.  Only $10 an hour, this job sounds like it would be a huge pain in the ass.

 

Home Depot Shopping for Supplies


This is no doubt not the strangest thing you've seen. We are doing a team building event in Las Vegas and we need someone local to do some shopping for the list that follows. We will pay for all stuff in advance as needed but we do need to make sure that you buy it and drop it off. (Some stuff may not be available at Home Depot. We are coming into Vegas the night of January 31st so we need it ideally on Sunday, February 1st dropped off to our hotel. Here is the list, please email me with interest.

12 bags of foam pipe insulation 3/8 each bag should contain 4 three foot lengths (48 3 lengths total)

3 Deflect-O 4 In. X 8 Ft. Silver Semi-Rigid Aluminum Duct for Dryer Venting
4 in. diameter by 8 ft. length, pure aluminum, silver color. Fire-resistant and semi-rigid but flexible for easy installation. Compressed length for storage.
Home Depot Internet/Catalog # 197105
Store SKU# 186627
Price: $6.73/ea

30 Nibco 3/4 In. PVC 90 Deg. Street Elbow
Home Depot Internet/Catalog # 640794
Price: $0.73/ea

300 one foot lengths of colonial outside corner bone white pre-finished molding
(this stuff is light, they should cut for you in the store, comes in different lengths, 8 foot, etc. whatever length it is we need 300 one foot lengths cut)

20 bags of rubber bands

10 beach balls

9 big bags balloons (144)

150 four foot long bamboo stakes

150 two foot long bamboo stakes

20 rolls 3M masking tape

1 box of garbage bags

8 bags marbles preferably each is a different color

120 $10,000 bills - fake money (or if you cant find, try $100,000 bills or we can make them

   

February 4 Make it stop. First of all writers everywhere are going hungry because of reality TV. And secondly, learn where to DRAW THE LINE (Sorry about yelling, but this is just soo bad) talk about mining peoples pain for ratings. Although on second thought, I think I might know a bitter divorced guy who would be perfect for this, maybe Ill send him an email.

 

CASTING -- Divorced Men for hot new Reality Show

If youre currently divorced, we want to hear from you! Divorce Stories, a new network reality show is casting for men, over 21, who have been divorced in the last 5 years. Finally, its a chance to tell your side of the story!
 
Let us know your age, phone, the best time to reach you and tell us briefly about your divorce and your ex-wife.

February 3   Now this is just mean. At least the people who sing badly in American Idol make their own decision to be humiliated.  And 50-100 bucks, people will sell out a friend for 50-100 bucks? How sad.

  Know a BAD singer?


Do you know someone who sings all the time and they are not good?

Do you know someone who is a secret singer? Do they sing out loud in the car, shower, when cleaning the house, when they think no one is listening?

New reality TV show has a way of making them a star. We are looking for all ages, styles, and vocal abilities. YOU CANNOT SUBMIT YOURSELF. You have to nominate friends, families, co-workers, etc.

The only deal is YOU CANNOT TELL THEM ABOUT THIS. This show has a surprise element, so you must really know them well.

There is a prize at stake if you can provide us with some real and undiscovered talent. Thank you and good luck.

Compensation: $50-$100 + Prizes

February 2 How boring, the OWNERs a celebrity NOT the dog. I was totally looking forward to having the chance to walk a famous dog. Also if the celebrity id un-named in the film and music industry how can they be famous? I mean if no one knows their name? Alright so Im reaching.

  Celebrity dog walker

Dog walker.
Looking for a bright, motivated, outspoken Dog walker for Muki (rare Japanese Chin) and Jake (miniature Chihuahua).
 
Celebrity un-named-
In film and music industry

Compensation: 20$ Hour + Free meal

 

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