Birthdays Are My Nemesis

 

Those of you who read the site regularly know that kelp is my nemesis (kelp and pennies actually) but it turns out I have another nemesis, my birthday. See, I hate my birthday, I might as well just get that out of the way right now. Why do I hate my birthday you ask? Not because I don't want to get old. Who cares about that? I hate my birthday because it's cursed. I know what you're thinking, 'Cursed? She's exaggerating again.' Allow me to explain.

When I turned six I  got sick and couldn't have any birthday cake. When I turned eight I had a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese's and I had the flu, so I threw up on myself as we were taking one of my friends home. When I turned sixteen I got screamed at by a teacher and kicked out of the color guard. The highlight of my eighteenth birthday was buying a lottery ticket. When I turned twenty-one my boyfriend at the time said he couldn't cut class and go to Reno with me, then four hours later decided to skip class when his roommate said, 'Dude you shouldn't go to class.' So we went to TGI Fridays and it was lame. 

Maybe you think I'm making this stuff up or that five bad birthdays aren't that big of a deal, but these stories are only the tip of the iceberg. To put it bluntly my birthdays suck. I have a pretty good life, and most of the time things go pretty okay, but when it comes to my birthdays the motto seems to be 'Why be bad when you can be awful.' I guess you could say my birthdays are spectacular in their badness. It's actually almost comic, except that having horrid birthdays year after year isn't fun at all.

I want a wonderful fabulous birthday. I want flowers and a trip somewhere exotic. I want the gift of my dreams and a winning lottery ticket. I want a limo ride to dinner at a fancy restaurant and I want it on my actual birthday. I want to go to sleep on my actual birthday thinking wow that was an incredible day when everything went fabulous and all was right with the world. If I can't have that, I want an eCard from you. Come on, help me break the curse. The Red Sox did it, why not me?

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